Learning About Myself

As my time in Bali comes to an end, I’ve found myself reflecting on what this month has taught me. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster of insights, revelations, and a lot of personal growth - some of which I wasn’t quite ready for!

Here’s a brain dump of the key things I’ve learned about myself:

Alone Time

Turns out, I need so much more alone time than I ever realised. It’s easy to take for granted when you work for yourself and can control your schedule, but being here has shown me how much I thrive on having time to myself. The initial first few days my trip felt like a real struggle - I remember looking around at all the radiant, happy people and feeling like a sad, pudgy potato. But as the days went on, I started to speak more kindly to myself and appreciate being in my own company.

Reassurance need

Back home, love and reassurance come from those little, daily gestures - hugs, a cup of tea, or just sitting on the sofa, surrounded by purring cats 🐈 🐈‍⬛. But being here, without all that, I realised how much I need words of affirmation when I’m away from the people I care about. I didn’t think it was that important to me, but without it, I felt isolated. It also made me realise I should be checking in on my friends and family more often. Those small moments of connection are everything.

Bali dreaming

Giving myself the time and space to think about dreams - both in my sleep and in life- has been enlightening. I’ve had recurring themes in my dreams that have intrigued me for a while, and thanks to some insightful analysis (cheers, ChatGPT!), I’ve realised they might be a reflection of my own anxieties and desires. From feelings of inadequacy to fear of change, my dreams have been a loud voice asking me to face those emotions head-on.

Good Mornings

I’ve always considered myself a morning person, but recently I’ve wondered if that’s still true. Bali has shown me that my body still naturally wakes me up at the crack of dawn, but what’s changed is that I just allow myself the luxury of a slow morning. I love it. I can savor a cup of tea, go for a walk, or even head back to bed. Working for myself gives me the freedom to have slower starts and prioritise what feels good. It’s a privilege I’ve worked for, and one I should embrace instead of feel guilty about!

Work it out

Speaking of freedom, I’ve always felt like I should work out first thing in the morning, but this last year has helped me rethink that. Turns out, I’m all about the mid-morning sesh! After a slow start, exercising mid-morning leaves me feeling happier and ready to tackle the rest of the day. I might work later into the evening sometimes, but this rhythm suits me, and I’m embracing it.

Bitch please

I’m a people-pleaser, and it’s been a real eye-opener to realise how easily I’m influenced by others - whether it’s their wants, needs, or expectations. I’ll twist myself into a pretzel to keep everyone happy (or, let’s be honest, to avoid people being mad at me 😅). I’ve given this a lot of thought whilst in Bali, and being here has made me face this habit head-on. It’s time to stop trying to please everyone and start prioritising what I need, even if that means being a bit of a selfish cunt (as I wrote in my last blog post!).

Hello sunshine

I’m solar-powered. Plain and simple. The sun just makes everything feel better - like it’s illuminating not just the world but my mood. That said, 30+ degrees and my eyeballs sweating? No thanks! Bali didn’t change that fact; I’m still a sweaty mess in the heat, but I’ve loved soaking up all the rays I can. Sunshine and a positive mindset go hand in hand for me.

Joy in work

One thing that’s stood out here is how joyful the Balinese people are, especially in their work. They bring a contagious energy to everything they do, and it’s been a beautiful reminder of how important it is to find joy in what I do - whether it’s painting a portrait or making a new piece of jewellery. I’m a serial smiler, and this place has only encouraged more of that!

That Tempeh Life

Okay, small but crucial realisation: tempeh is delicious! Staying at a vegan place, I’ve had my fair share of tofu and tempeh, but baked tempeh with mixed veggies is a new favorite. And don’t even get me started on their version of pumpkin soup for breakfast. Yes, you heard me right. Pumpkin. Soup. For. Breakfast. It’s got me weirdly excited for autumn back in the UK.

Breath-work

I wasn’t expecting breathwork to hit me as hard as it did. But in that first class, when I was asked how I felt, the tears just came. It was so surprising but also so healing. Something about letting my body speak louder than my busy mind - it cracked something open.

Later in a Yin and Sound Healing class, the tears returned when I realised just how tired my Yang energy was, something I’d never looked into or considered before. That balance between Yin and Yang became very real, and it’s something I’m still reflecting on.

New Ink

One of the most personal things I’ll carry home from this trip is my new tattoo. It’s the Sanskrit mantra:

I’m in love with both the design and the meaning - it’s a reminder of everything I’ve been trying to focus on during this trip: inner peace, balance, and the hope that we all find happiness in our lives. It’s a permanent mark of my time in Bali, and something I hope will keep me grounded when life gets noisy.

Ascended Masters

Another moment that hit me unexpectedly was during a healing sound bath session, when I pulled the Ascended Master card. Its message: “You are always supported. In times of challenge and great joy, your Guardian Angel is with you.” I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to hear that.

The card encouraged me to ask for help and guidance and to trust my intuition. It resonated deeply, reminding me that even when I feel alone, maybe I never truly am on my own.

Sunset bats

Swimming at sunset has become one of my favorite little rituals here, especially watching the bats flit and dive against the colorful sky. There’s something magical about it, especially when I had the pool to myself. I couldn’t stop smiling - those little moments of quiet (somewhat surreal) joy are what I’ll miss the most.

Whilst we’re on that subject, another unexpected joy? More animals, obvs! On Gili Air, I made friends with more cats than I could count, and in Canggu, I couldn’t resist “bothering” every well-behaved dog I encountered (in the friendliest way possible, of course). It made me miss my own furry gang so much. Just seeing those happy animals running around reminded me how connected I am to my own, no matter the distance.

Honestly, it’s just another reason why Bali feels like it could be the perfect place to become a permanent digital nomad wanker. I can see myself fitting right into this life, with my laptop, daily yoga, beach yomps, and a bunch of furry friends by my side.

Booze

My relationship with alcohol continues to be a complicated one. During the first fortnight of my trip, I stayed sober, which gave me the chance to reflect on my habits - the how, when, and why I drink.

Sure, there have been a couple of nights since my friend arrived where I indulged a bit more than I planned, but they were moments of sharing drinks over dinner or watching the sunset. It wasn’t the same as being alone on the sofa, using wine as a way to avoid thoughts and feelings.

Deep down, I know that giving up alcohol for good would probably be best for me - and by extension, for everyone I care about. But the leap to full sobriety still feels out of reach. It’s something I’m working on... Slowly.

Self-confidence

Here’s where I’m still a total shitshow, but I’m slowly realising that I feel more at ease in my own skin when I’m being true to myself. Any confidence and happiness with my body I gained through fitness the last few years has slowly disappeared along with my waist line and lean arms!

And whilst I haven’t lost weight or recovered the fitness I hoped to during this trip, but oddly, I’m not as upset about it as I thought I would be. The workouts, wholesome breakfasts, kind smiles from people around me, and messages from home have helped me feel more “at home” in my body. Maybe the tan’s playing a big part, too 😅

I came here to see what life as a digital nomad could look like and, more importantly, to take better care of myself. I was kind of hoping I might shed a few pounds along the way, but now that I haven’t, I’m realising that the bigger win is learning how to better support myself.

Not weighing myself or tracking calories has been a relief, but I’m still aware that consistency with self-care is going to be key if I want to feel truly good inside my own skin. It’s a process, but I’m hoping I can bring the lessons from Bali back home and use them to tackle the stresses I know will still be waiting for me.

Anywho, that’s where I’m at, as I prepare to head home. Bali has been an adventure, a time of growth, and a chance to realign with myself. I know the lessons I’ve learned here will stay with me as I settle back into normal life - whatever that looks like now.

Hope you enjoyed the read or at least the lovely photos and if any of it resonated with you I hope it helps you feel less alone. Sending sweaty hugs and Sunshine to you all!

☀️