FILLING THE CUP
I’m not sure how many of you will have read my last post but I felt I should pop back with an update now I’m feeling a little more positive! I thought it was important to open up and share some recent lows, but if I can’t also share how I’m finding ways through them, then what’s the point?! Other than a good old moan and keyboard bash 😅
After pouring my heart out to a laptop I realised how much I really needed to release a lot of what was in my head and decided (pretty much there and then) it was time to pull my head out of my ass and stop sabotaging myself and my mind!
Spring Equinox Sunrise Paddle.
So what did that look like? I mean, probably not as amusing or gross as if my head was literally up my ass, but, metaphorically, pulling my head out went a bit like this…
TALKED
I’ve noticed that the real danger with my low points is that I avoiding chatting to anyone about anything - especially if someone casually says “How are you?” My honest response should be “bit shit actually but not really in the headspace to talk about it.” Instead I think, ‘fuck, I’m a mess but I don’t want to unload on anyone right now, also I can’t lie and say I’m fine… so I’ll just reply later or wait until I see them IRL’. Then I go deeper inside my head, not talking to anyone, never seeing those people, then forget about all those message IOUs and eventually feel like I’ve pushed people away 🙈 DICKHEAD!
Grown up lunches for the win.
SUNSHINE & FRESH AIR
Fucking powered by it, aren’t I? So it’s no surprise that the combination of crap weather and being cooped up in the new studio (which has no windows!), or hiding under a duvet these last few months has impacted my mental health. I honestly feel like a switch is flicked as soon as the warm sunshine hits my face. Get your Vit D folks, even if the sun isn’t out - just get the fuck outside.
The neighbour’s magnificent magnolia.
Seeing all of the trees start to turn green and everything start to bloom has also been a HUGE mood lifter - I mean, just look how gorgeous Buddy looks in his shed under all that blossom…
Buddy in Bloom.
MADE PLANS
I’ve really missed being able to make solid plans or feel like I have things to look forward to since the pandemic landed. I’d almost gotten out of the habit of making fun plans completely so I actually sat down with my calendar for work and play and pencilled in some fun stuff! I’ve still got LOADS more plans to make and people to try and see too so that’s a HUGE positive boost to my brain now I’m in the headspace to embrace it.
Getting excited about driving Buddy.
SPONTANEOUSNESS
I am so lucky to be able to do this at times when work isn’t so busy. I realise not everyone can shuffle their calendar when they wake up just because they fancy a longer lunch break or random afternoon off and while I’m grateful for it, I think I’d forgotten to embrace it!
Once I’d completed my latest batch of 10min Portraits (which completely overwhelmed me for a while!) I decided to embrace the flexibility my job can offer and enjoyed a few random pockets of time off:
Took a last minute day trip to the seaside in Buddy…
Walcott Sea Front, Norfolk.
…and went for a ‘refreshing’ dip!
F-f-f-freeeeeezing!
Went out on my paddleboard…
My happy place!
…quite a few times!
Feeling like I was on a paddleboarding holiday… down the road in Lode.
Drove around in and camped locally in Buddy. Actually had THE BEST night’s sleep too!
Home.
Enjoyed some local foodie treats…
Gyros in the garden from Olive Grove.
Greek flavours in the garden, made me feel like I was on holiday! Also enjoyed a naughty S&H treat - I mean, it’s rude not to when they pretty much park up on the doorstep, right?
Steak and Honour treats (and Disney!)
Took some longer wolf walks with this happy soul.
My goodness, I love this face!
Read my book in the sunshine…
Wingspan - the most beautifully designed and put together game!
…and played beautiful board games in the evening.
Making 15 year old Jo proud by having a bash on a surf skate board.
Started to learn something new… felt like a knobhead but genuinely didn’t care!
The smile says it all… this is definitely something I want to keep up!
EXERCISED
This isn’t a hard one for me usually, but looking back to that darker period, the lowest was during a week I had taken off from my usual bouncing around. Yes, I was still getting out and walking the wolf, working and running errands etc but with a pulled shoulder and twisted knee, there were no spin class, bouncy times, gym or bootcamps for me and it fucked my brain right over.
The uncoordinated Potato returned to ((Bounce))
Endorphins are IMPORTANT and being aware of how much I need to move my body and in what ways, feels like something I need to be much more aware of day to day.
“L for Love!”
#SOBERSPRING
Probably the most important change I have made recently and by far the most difficult. All of the other stuff I’ve mentioned is the stuff I’d preach to others, the stuff I’m usually good at practicing and balancing, but my relationship with alcohol has become a messy one.
Find out more about #SOBERSPRING
I’m not going to go into too much detail right now but I was drinking too much (again!) This time though, I felt like it was affecting me in a different way, like it was changing who I was, how I interacted with people and I did not like the person I felt I was becoming.
I’ve tried moderating booze in the past, sometimes it works but recently I just kept thinking ‘FUCK IT!’; I need a drink to relax, or a I want a drink to forget or I’d give in to others around me who were drinking because ‘why not?’ However, I started to realise it was becoming an almost daily habit - one I needed to stop altogether if I wanted to really get a hold of my mental health again.
Days 0.0% Lager - perfect for lunch time paddling… or any time really!
It’s only been a couple of weeks but already the difference to my mood and headspace is unbelievable. I realise I am lucky that I am not physically dependant on alcohol but emotionally I think I had come to rely on a drink to relax, distract or comfort myself. Once I decided to sign up to #SoberSpring though, it’s like something clicked - I just found something else to do in the evenings. Best part is, I’m already sleeping, eating and generally feeling much better for it!
I’ve also found some more AF alternatives to try and am LOVING the ever growing choice out there! I already had a good catalogue from my previous AF challenges but I might do another round up of beverages again in a few weeks time because there are so many more I’ve discovered already!
If you enjoy a Negroni or Aperol Spritz but want the AF version… look no further than Crodino!
GROWN UP LUNCH
Because… Why. The. Fuck. Not?! Especially when they’re inspired by the incredible @blocglasgow and contain all of your childhood faves (and a swear) on one plate! Seriously, take a peek at their insta and menu, it made me want to move to Glasgow immediately!
Childhood faves on a plate!
FINAL MUSINGS
Before I run off leaving you with all of these happy photos, I want to be honest with you, I’m still struggling but through actively pursuing and embracing some of the above I feel like I’m in a stronger head space, and more importantly, I am willing to face into some of my demons. I still need to have a lot of conversations, keep asking for help and support in the right places and believe in myself, my friends and my support network (something my paranoid/anxious brain won’t let me do very often!)
Anyway, I’m not about to get all heavy on you again - I’m not in that kind of headspace today - but I hope sharing these little positives help spark some ideas for anyone else out there struggling to find their sunshine lately! Or if you’re reading this and feeling tip top, then HUGE HIGH FIVES to you and I hope the photos have made you smile!
In my happy place, filling that cup back up!
HAPPY SPRING, FOLKS!
Here’s to longer, lighter days filled with the love, light and strength you need!
(what a bloody hippy!)
☀️
